ALDOUS HARDING

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: ALDOUS HARDING AT THE ROUNDHOUSE, CAMDEN – 5/12/19

I’m running a bit late, and when I arrive there’s a big queue to get in. People are saying things like, “This is fucking ridiculous!” and “We’re going to be here all fucking night!” and one guy is reminiscing about a time he once had to wait for “an entire hour” outside Brixton Academy. But, in the end it’s not too bad; the queue moves pretty quickly. And it does, at least, give people the chance to have a good moan, which is nice.
  Once inside, I head down the left side of the auditorium, and I manage to get pretty near the front without any trouble. I have to be near the front these days. I’m a virtual maniac these days when it comes to being near the front at gigs. It’s just not the same if you’re not near the front. You need to be able to see the expressions on the musicians’ faces. If you can’t you might as well just not bother.
  I have a look around. People at gigs never seem to look around too much, but not me, I’m forever looking around. A man to the side of me is checking football scores on his phone. Brighton have taken the lead against Arsenal, amongst other things. A few rows behind a woman is eating a sandwich. It’s the kind of sandwich you buy in a packet from a supermarket, which are cut into neat triangles, and have flavours like egg and cress, and cheese and onion. Funny thing to do, I think to myself, to eat a sandwich in the middle of a crowd while waiting for a gig to start. If that were me and I had a sandwich I wanted to eat, I’d just eat it before I got to the venue or wait until afterwards. One of the security team is wearing ear protectors. You won’t be needing those tonight, I think to myself. There’s weird kind of avant-garde chamber music playing, nothing that could cause any long-term damage. 

The lights go down and a solitary figure makes their way on to the stage and sits down. The audience cheers. It is very dark, darker than it would usually be. You can’t really see the solitary figure on stage. There is the noise of excited chatter. “Ssshhh!” someone says. Then more people join in. “Sssssshhhhhh!” And then everyone is quiet. I don’t know how many people THE ROUNDHOUSE holds, but right now every single one of them is quiet. You can hear people breathing. And then ALDOUS HARDING begins, singing softly and picking out notes on her classical guitar. It’s all very slow and quiet and strange. Everyone is rapt.
  After a couple of songs the lights come up, and the band join Harding on stage, who, it can now be seen, is wearing what looks to me like some sort of black and white clown outfit. She smiles strangely, or is studiously inexpressive, or pulls odd faces as the mood takes her. 
  Without comment, they start playing Designer from her latest album, Designer. Harding dances in an uncanny stilted fashion, and sings the song in a funny voice. It’s really great. There’s really nothing else like it. It doesn’t remind me of anything.
  When the song is over Harding sits down again, adjusts the microphone, and picks up her guitar, and everything is done very studiously, and very slowly. Every movement is part of the act. Everything is part of the performance. She hasn’t said anything yet, and when she leans into the mic and utters something entirely indecipherable there is scattered, almost uncomfortable, laughter amongst the audience. 

  “Aldous, I love you,” someone shouts. 

  Looking blankly into the crowd, like someone peering through a window, Harding replies, “I appreciate that. But I’m busy.”

  Later she offers something approaching a further explanation. “I’m quiet,” she says, “because I’m focused. But I’m open.” This is met, as are many things tonight, with quiet bemusement and total devotion from her many hundreds of adoring fans.